Welcome To The Club
What kind of car? What kind of car?” repeated Joe in his stilted, staccato voice, “What kind of car?”Like most kids with Autism, Joe has many unique ways to express himself and interact with the world. One of Joe’s ways, one of his ‘things’, is the need to know what car you drive. You and every person he meets. The sequence goes like this:
“What kind of car, what kind of car?”
“Ummm Toyota.”
“What kind?”
“Sienna.”
“What color?”
“Brown.”
“Light or dark?”
“Light.”
“What car before Sienna?”
“Town and Country.”
“What color?”
“Blue, Light blue.”
“What happened to old car?”
“Umm, I sold it.”
And so goes the rapid fire auto interrogation. I once listened to Joe take someone back to 1986 with his persistent vehicular inquisition.
The Thing
All of us in the know, that is all the Special Needs parents who hang in the same Special Olympics, Special Day Class, IEP circles, are well versed in the Joe scenario. All of us have our own Joes who have their ‘thing’ and we’ve learned to take it in stride. The kid with noise cancelling headphones who will only wear the color blue. Or talks about their favorite subject nonstop, watches the same video over and over or paces back and forth mumbling to themselves.
“Hey, Newbie”
We do take a slight, fiendish pleasure when Joe happens upon someone unfamiliar with the scenario. We watch the approach, hear the first question, the look of puzzlement, (Joe is hard to decipher when he’s fired up), and then the answer, question, answer.
Often the unknowing newbie will give a lengthy explanation to the “What happened to old car?”question.
“Well, we thought we’d get something a little bigger, we got a new dog and needed more room.”
The veterans know that sold or junkyard are the best answers. Either one will satisfy Joe and need no further explanation.
Eventually, we’ll help the newbie by shouting out the necessary answers, often without stopping our current conversation.
“I was at the gym yesterday and- tell him what color- I was going to take the spin class-your old car, tell him what kind- but then I saw Renee-say junkyard- and decided to go for a hike on the ridge.”
It’s like a group version of twenty questions with people shouting out random answers while the unknowing newbie struggles to catch onto the game of ‘What car do you drive?’
Just Roll With It
I love that parents of special needs kids learn to roll with it and embrace our kids and their ‘thing’ with a casual nonchalance. We can laugh and find the humor and yes, sometimes at the expense of a ‘newbie’.
Humor is the saving grace that gets us through the day, the week, the year. The Joe quiz serves as one of many initiations into a club we never expected to join, yet here we are, and the tests just keep coming.
Humor serves as both a release and a shield. A release from the struggles and worry, a shield from the bigger world outside of our club. The bigger world doesn’t often pass the test. Some don’t even want to take the test.
Everyone has their ‘thing.’ Our kids just happen to have ‘things’ that are viewed as outside the norm, not in line with the world around them and often on full display.
As the parent of a special needs child, my hope and prayer is for a kinder, more accepting world that will provide support rather than isolation.
New Thing
I was walking my dog the other day and ran into Joe. He’s branching out.
“What color dog before black dog?”
Regina Stoops is an award winning storyteller, comedian, writer, MS Warrior and Autism Mom living with her wife and three kids in the San Francisco Bay Area.
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